Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
