Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
