cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
