we have pet lesbian snakes
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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