Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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