just tell him i said nine months
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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