I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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