Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
