So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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