Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
