I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
