she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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