so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize