Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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