ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
