dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
