Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
