i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
