you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
