oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize