we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
