I cannot find my penis.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
