I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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