i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize