hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
