She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
tell me about the fingering
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