so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
