I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize