Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
