I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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