remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
