My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize