YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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