it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
