she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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