Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
