The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
