a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
