I just saw a hot homeless man
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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