I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize