He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
