So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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