I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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