thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
