if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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