i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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