You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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