apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
