the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
