We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
