Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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