foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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