my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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