Is it because I queefed?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
