It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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