Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
the liver wants what the liver wants
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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