You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
