grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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