i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
