Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
